what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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