I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
