sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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