OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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