Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's official drugs can't kill me
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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