I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
