Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
