I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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