yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
