I accidentally had phone sex last night
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
