dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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