Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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