clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
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