I want to make a zoo with you.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
