He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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