If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
