I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
