I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize