have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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