would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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