??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
