Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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