I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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