So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
