You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
