Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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