Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
