She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
