you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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