the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
