Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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