How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
