dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
