Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
