don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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