He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
