This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
