Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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