you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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