I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
