Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
