On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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