This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We talked him into tasing himself.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize