GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
