Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
