I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize