I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
