True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
