did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
