my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize