Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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