I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
not ubering you a puppy
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
