And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize