the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
