So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
