You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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