You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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