lets start a swedish sibling band together
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
