I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
