I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize