so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
