I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
