i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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