What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize