come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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