Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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