People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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