I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
