As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
