if i can run in heels then i can drive
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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