ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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