dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize