he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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