I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
