and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize