i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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