I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
