hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize