a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
