im about as happy as oj after his trial
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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