shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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