That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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