i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
